13 Feb Because She Died
Today marks 10 years since my mom died, the anniversary of which has haunted me for weeks now as the day approached. Because she died and life didn’t come to a screeching halt was truly a revelation for me. At the time of her death I knew that my life was also at an end along with any chance for happiness. On the contrary, life has turned out to be quite different.
Don’t Get Me Wrong — I Sometimes Find Myself Really Down Because She Died
Mom was only 62 when she died. I was only 39, and my son was only 10. We should have had a lot of life left to live with each other. But that wasn’t in our cards. The funny thing about death is that forgiveness comes very quickly to those we lose. At least for me it did. As I have shared in previous posts, my mom was an alcoholic and my childhood was full of neglect and trauma.
But I Also Lived a Full Life Like No One Else I Knew
As an active participant in the family bar business, I met many diverse, fascinating people from all over the world. Mom was full of life and energy and always on. She was an audaciously brilliant business person with a sense of fashion and style way beyond her time. Perhaps most importantly, she didn’t give one single fuck about what people thought. I admired all those things about her and still do.
She was a Better Friend Than Mother
She knew this about herself and, after a tumultuous relationship with her for most of my life, in the end we reconciled, which is a blessing. Best of all, she was the most incredible Mimi to my son that anyone could have imagined. She and my son had a bond that can’t be explained.
Because She Died, I Will Never Forget to Live Up to All She Taught Me
Such as the uniquely audacious gift I have to light people up. Such as teaching me to never give up, because she never did. (True, I almost did give up over the past 2 years, but ultimately that didn’t happen and I’m back.)
Because She Died, I Will Always Remember the Super Power She Bestowed Upon Me
I learned how to channel her brilliance, stir it with my own uniqueness, and share that Audacious Cocktail with the world. Also, I look just like her (another blessing — thank you, Mom).
Losing Your Mom Sucks
Losing your mom so young especially sucks, and not being able to pick up the phone at 8:30 every night for our daily hour-long talks sucks even a little more.
Because She Died, I Know What I Have to Share With the World
Her passing inspired me to take the time to inquire about what she taught me, what she gave me. Because she died, I know who I am.